Friday, July 28, 2006

Medievil Shite

Drove to Dallas this morning, stopping only in Fort Worth to get gas and let the dog throw up. We've established that she can hold it for however long she has to, but loses it as soon as the car comes to a full and complete stop.

We're staying at the W Hotel in Dallas, which is quite fabulous, and Corinthian was so kind as to swing by and pick me up so we could go and run around this afternoon whilst K availed herself of the various spa options offered to her by the facility.

Corinthian almost had a scuffle with the valets who refused to let him just wait in his car while I rode the elevator down to meet him, they wanted to park that car, come hell or high water. I've never known anyone who's almost been car-jacked by a valet before, so it adds to my repertoire of anecdotes quite nicely. We narrowly escaped without a valet slip.

After an afternoon of shopping and the like, we got together with his two Dallas buddies and his brother, and headed out to the site of tonight's festivities: Medieval Times. This is part of a chain of themed restaurants that offer faux-authentic dining while giving you the full on jousting show and entertainment. You've seen bits about it in films like The Cable Guy and Garden State, which was stuck in my head because the one guy in that movie has a knight his own age sleeping with his mother and is terribly embarrassed about it.

Checking out the restaurant's website a few days ago, I was rather amused to see disclaimers about the fact that the show employs various smoke machines and stroboscopic effects, so come prepared. I'm just joking with Creepy about it, because that sounds amazingly 'authentic', and he assured me that in the olden days that was how they slew the dragons, by disorienting them with strobe lights before moving in for the kill. Who knew?

I have to admit to reservations about the evening, as we all know that I don't have a lot of interest in the average tourist trappy type of attraction, but I did really enjoy the evening, as cheesy as it was. The entire thing had a feel of pro-wrestling meets renaissance faire, hammy at times and overly done, but was interesting for a variety of reasons, including the middle-aged woman who kept trying to draw the attention of one of the knights, who ignored her to the point of Corinthian mock-yelling "He's not interested in you, sit down, dammit!"

We had a drink afterwards, met with Corinthian's lady, Ellen Aim, and then went to drop everyone back off at their respective cars, and get my happy ass back to the hotel at around 2:00 AM.

K fast asleep, The Shining on the television, not sure if it's a good idea to watch that while staying in a strange hotel, and then the dog goes apeshit, being the light sleeper that she is, so it's not as if I can even sneak in quietly after the Not Bachelor party.

Tired, sleep now.

Be seeing you.

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Blogger Shroom-Monkey said...

So this bachelor party thing.... I am disappointed to hear there was no mud wrestling or strippers handing out personally dipped suckers, but getting a kick out of the dog throwing up- that is good stuff. I hate horny middle-aged women- you should have thrown your turkey leg at her head and knocked her out!

Plus even though Hustler is not due till Monday- you know I am here regardless-I'm a flower shop, I can't help it....

Saturday, July 29, 2006 6:43:00 AM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhouszen said...

I think all people need to experience "Medieval Times" once in their life. I was sucked into the microphoned, phyro-bullshit in Vegas at Excalibur. J loved eating greasy chicken with his hands and calling the out of work stripper (I think because she had sagging tits) a "wench". Which to me was the most historical thing about the night...server with sagging tits, yet she had all her teeth and no dung was caked to the bottom of her skirt. Bummer.
The funniest thing about your whole night out was that as I looked at the website I noticed that it was $48.95 per person to experience the magic of days of yore. What a Dark Age bargain!!

Saturday, July 29, 2006 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger Mob said...

Shroom: The strippers are coming soon enough...wait, that sounded bad, didn't it?

We're going to be doing something of the more traditional route, rather than a theme of medievil shenanigans, just because I'm a traditional type of guy.

Do you know where I can rent a reliable donkey?

Anastasia: Yes, it was indeed verily a bargain priced experiance, compared to those time machines that I'd been pricing, and we didn't even have to contract scurvy or anything.

Saturday, July 29, 2006 4:56:00 PM  
Blogger Reese said...

Sorry to be off topic here, Mob. I don't know if you like Zombie movies, or if it's just straight horror flicks you like, but I read on another blog that "Evil Dead" has now been made into a musical.

Just passing that long.


p.s. Say hi to JR and Bobby Ewing for me (hardy har)

Saturday, July 29, 2006 5:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mob said...

Reese: Thanks for the link, yes, I'd heard about the Evil Dead musical, it sounds interesting to say the least!

I'll say hi to J.R., but I thnk Bobby's dead this season...

Saturday, July 29, 2006 5:21:00 PM  
Blogger sKincarver said...

Young squire! Fetcheth me yon strobe! Here there be dragons...

Saturday, July 29, 2006 7:25:00 PM  
Blogger Yasamin said...

lmmfao!!!! You know what growing up in Southern California got me and my sister ? Season passes to Medieval Times and Knotts Berry Farm because they were literally right across the street from each other!! you have any idea how freakin rockin that was? we used to go every weekend (shut up i was 11 at the time) and cheer for the black knight!!! grrr!!! we felt like bad asses! it was so fun! back then... its was $15.00 a meal plus a discount with the season pass!!! I think i still have my Saxony flag somewhere. dead serious. we would eat cheer, throw food, scream, then run across the street and get totally sick on Montezuma's Revenge then throw up our whole cornish game hen and mead. (grape juice) hah!

good times good times!!

Saturday, July 29, 2006 9:42:00 PM  
Blogger Robbb said...

i can hardly type for my laughter!

i was doing fine until the part that reads "...then (we'd) throw up our whole cornish hen and mead."
i'm not sure why that strikes me so funny...but i'm laughing EVERY time i re-read it.
i've been here for an hour!

Saturday, July 29, 2006 11:34:00 PM  
Blogger Mob said...

Creepy: Oh it's already been fetcheth-ed, Milord...

Yas: Funny stuff, girl. I can totally see how this would've been the shit if I was at an impressionable age, but what the hell, we had fun with it anyway.

Robbb: Mead...funny stuff, I'm always glad to see my readership (all 12 of you) cracking each other up, it takes some pressure off me to entertain you.

Sunday, July 30, 2006 1:58:00 AM  
Blogger Yasamin said...

you have twelve readers?!! you lucky bastard!

Sunday, July 30, 2006 4:44:00 AM  
Blogger Mob said...

At least twelve...but most of them are personal friends who feel obligated to read and/or criticize.

Sunday, July 30, 2006 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger Shroom-Monkey said...

A donkey- no I left all mine down in Mexico. I quit the freak circuit a long time ago, all those midgets, gerbils and donkeys were hard to keep locked in their little cages. The fat lady ate them one day even though we promised her she could eat one of the fluffers after her gang bang. Sorry....

Sunday, July 30, 2006 8:38:00 PM  
Blogger Mob said...

Rats. Keep yer eyes peeled for me, if you don't mind, we're trying to make this the event of a lifetime.

Sunday, July 30, 2006 8:49:00 PM  

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