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Saturday, February 28, 2009

90 Freaking Years + Elvis

The wife had her charity commitment again this afternoon, so she left for that shortly before 12:00 today. I headed to the web and checked e-mail, then went and picked up a sandwich for lunch.

I gave the Yorkie a nibble of one of my chips as I ate, watching a TiVo'd episode of Night Visions, a kinda cheesy show hosted by Henry Rollins back in 2001 that they've begun to re-run on Chiller recently.

After I ate I sat down and got a bit of work done, but my eyes were feeling heavy in spite of the morning coffee, so I decided to finish the episode of Outside The Cinema from the comfort of my couch, and if I happened to doze, so be it. I caught about 20 minutes of snoozing, then was up and moving when the wife came home from her day.

We caught up on the afternoon a bit, then decided to head out to pick up Grandmother's birthday cake, as well as paper plates and all that jazz. The grocery store's bakery wasn't as clusterfucked as it could be, but we were beginning to get a little alarmed until they found the enormous cake on the bottom shelf, waiting patiently for us. We snagged plates and forks just to be safe, then headed to the restaurant.

We managed to arrive a full 30 minutes early, which was annoying, but allowed us plenty of time to get the cake situated and plates spread out, right?

The birthday girl arrived at 6:00, then her public followed shortly thereafter. The Mother In Law was the last to arrive, for no apparent reason, and we had (at a guess) almost 100 people from the extended family in attendance, along with a smattering of friends and whatnot. The wife and I spent some time pressing the flesh and greeting all the various strains of in-laws that we generally only see at gatherings like this, then hit the food line with our friend Scrawny McTall and Brian, who were both kind enough to turn out to honor the wife's Grandmother.

The food was good (it's a barbecue joint, if ya care), and then the MIL had brought in that Elvis-impersonating creepshow that she's so enamored of as the 'entertainment', so that guy started singing his Elvis shit, which is fine, I think I could even respect a guy living off cover tunes, but it's the fucking costuming that makes me nauseous and turns it into glorified karaoke.

Where's My Fat Elvis?We visited with the Older Sister and her now teenaged (13) daughter, who was having a typical pouty teen evening because she was stuck here with her sucky family and not out with her friends at a sleepover. I wanted to ask if she'd ever thought about how fucking bored the rest of us were, but resisted the urge.

The wife and I finally excused ourselves after Elvis had entered his second of (I believe three total) sets, because I'll be damned if I'm sitting through the whole chronological routine unless this asshole is coming out as fat Elvis eventually, and I highly doubt he can afford a quality fat-suit unless Martin Lawrence is having a garage sale.

We headed home and Brian came by for a bit, then we called it a night at close to 11:00.

Be seeing you.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Schlepping And Family Dinner

So I'm hoping to knock this out really quickly and head to bed 'cause I'm beat, a pot of coffee this morning notwithstanding.

The wife had to be downtown to help out at one of her charity things today, so I was left to my own devices for the morning. I made coffee and poked around the web a bit, and was in the process of opening some mail with a pair of scissors and realized that I actually miss having the letter opener we got as a wedding gift. I dropped it like a klutz several months back and shattered that fucker; maybe guys like me shouldn't be allowed to handle crystal.

I decided to hit the post office, then try to find a letter opener and pick up some lunch on the way home. I tried Target first, as I like some of their home stuff and hoped they'd maybe have something relatively nice. I was wrong, all they had was a plastic handled thing for $1.49 that looked kinda cheesy, so I decided to try the office supply stores instead.

Where Quantity Is Job OneI ran into a couple of acquaintances on the way out of the store, visited with them for a few, then hit the office supply stores, only to come up with the same result. Basically I could buy a used, dull steak knife at the Salvation Army for a quarter and get the same effect stylistically as what they're trying to sell me here locally. I decided to venture online later and see what I could find instead and was heading home, debating lunch options when the wife called asking if I could give her a hand with something.

I agreed to meet her at the house and help her go and unload some borrowed tables back at the country club. She was waiting for me when I got home, driving a borrowed pick-up with three small tables loaded in the back. We went and unloaded, a couple guys from the club helped carry stuff back to its' proper place on a patio. I was a little dismayed to see that what I originally understood to be a one shot deal was actually the first of several trips, which kinda fucked my afternoon plans (food and some work) completely, so we danced around an argument but I pressed past it, insisting that I'd rather spend the time helping her than leave her to do it alone.

We made three trips total, then she dropped me back at the house before heading back to finish her committed block of time. I made a little microwave snack thing, since we were set to meet the extended family for dinner at the local Japanese steakhouse in just under a few hours. The wife got home, checked her e-mail and we lay in bed visiting for a few before it was time to head out and meet the family.

Tonight's dinner consisted of about ten family members, and due to the general production at one of these restaurants (all the noise and commotion, fire and whatnot), it wasn't all that conducive to visiting, but whatever, the out of towners chose the restaurant, who am I to argue?

We spent a bit of time at the Mother In Law's house afterward, where we were able to actually visit because the couple with the small children had stopped off somewhere to do some quick shopping on the way back, but once they arrived we all found ourselves shouting a bit to be heard. This always wigs me out a little, as I was never allowed to be this loud or intrusive as a child, and the MIL has a huge fucking house, these kids could get the fuck out of earshot of the adults pretty easily, but they insisted on running through yelling and playing whatever shouting-related game they'd created, while I sat there dismayed that no one was hitting them for ruining the adults ability to communicate.

The wife was wiped from her long day, so we excused ourselves to head to the house. We vegged out and watched The Soup, then called it a night.

Be seeing you.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

All The Small Things

You have to read the title like the first line in that Blink 182 song, "All the, small things" because that's what I have in mind and I need you fuckers to play ball.

I just opened my e-mail to find an offer in my junk mail folder inviting me to do a review of a product here on the blog. This is the first such offer I've ever received, and it made me laugh hysterically. I'll be quiet about company names so as not to be a dick if this was a serious offer (and to avoid getting sued for openly mocking this person's legitimate attempt at marketing), but I'm assuming it was just gloriously funny spam. The upshot is that some random guy contacted me as the webmaster of a penis enhancement product's website, to see if I wanted to participate by getting either money to write about it, or a free sample of said product to test out (!) and review. I find this to be just hilarious, and makes me wonder when I've written about penis pumps in the past that got the blog into their rotation.

So y'know, all the small things, in honor of my withered penis that these kind folks are trying to help me out with.

I slept in late, still feeling the effects of yesterday afternoon's weird fever incident, which I'm now trying to chalk up to the Chinese I ate, because I'm noticing lingering effects in the old stomach, just a general unsettled feeling that I hope rights itself over the next 24 hours. If that doesn't happen, I may start to be a little alarmed.

I decided to take it easy with my food and drink today, so I had a Carnation Instant Breakfast instead of any kind of food, foregoing the morning coffee to see how I felt. I checked e-mail and then got a text from the wife asking about lunch, to which I agreed, since it was 1:00 in the afternoon.

She shoots back with a text that says "Great! See you in an hour!", meaning the first 'real' food I'm getting is at least an hour away, which is frustrating, but whatever. I dressed and decided to sit down and get some work done since I'd flaked out on it completely yesterday. An hour and 20 minutes later (not that I was watching the clock or anything), the wife shows up and we head back out to grab a burger.

The restaurant we went to had a single person working the counter, who was taking for-fucking-ever to wait on a family of four, who then starts bellowing into the back that she needs someone to wait on us because it's 2:30 and she's now off. A girl comes out and assures us she'll get us 'right here' (indicating a second register), but doesn't even break stride as she walks out into the restaurant, looking around questioningly for whoever was supposed to be waiting on us (Or so I'm guessing), because she obviously had no interest in just taking our order herself. The other counter bitch has disappeared by this point, so I ask the wife if she'd like to get the fuck out of here before I start hitting people and we left.

We went to another, equally empty restaurant and had a burger, then I decided to brave a Frappuccuno from Starbuck's on the way back to the house, just to test the waters with my stomach a bit. I was still feeling a little sketchy, stomach-wise but wanted the coffee more than I wanted to not have it, y'know?

The wife has been involved two different charity events that are happening this weekend, the preview parties for both being held this evening, so she'd decided which one she was attending via the date she'd first committed. We also have a family dinner tomorrow night, then a large scale birthday party for Grandmother on Saturday night. It was with this in mind that I elected to pass on the party this evening, open bar notwithstanding, because I'd rather be involved with the family stuff than this thing tonight just to be going, y'know?

She split for that around 5:30 and I actually headed to the web and got a lot of writing done, including the several reviews I'd wanted to get finished before the end of the month, so that's cool. This also involved multi-tasking a bit, bringing the laptop into the office and watching Truck Turner again out of the corner of my eye so I could polish up the review for the site.

Blah SandsI submitted all that nonsense and then retired to the bedroom with a microwave pizza for my dinner, popping in a flick called Red Sands that had arrived courtesy of those rental throttling pricks at Netfux yesterday. I generally hate any film that begins with a single survivor re-telling his story, and this film was no exception, as we start with a soldier who survived something in the Afghanistan desert, so as the flashback introduces his unit, you have zero suspense to look forward to because, hey, they all fucking die. Surprise. Plus it has a cheeseball CGI creature towards the end that made me cringe, I'm kinda irritated because the trailer for this managed to look at least quasi-decent, then this thing saps the fucking life out of me for an hour and a half.

I'm even more annoyed because I really enjoyed the director's film Dead Birds, and now this makes me want to take a shit in the envelope when I send it back to Netfux.

The wife came home in the middle of that turkey, so we watched the end, she crashed and I headed to the web to do this crap again.

And then somebody offers to fix my cock and I get a good laugh, so that kinda made up for the bad movie earlier.

Be seeing you.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Completely Wasted Day

I slept in an hour past the alarm, then got up finally to see what the Yorkie was barking at, which turned out to be one of the lawn guys doing some work on the little drip hoses in the beds beside the garage. Then the rest of the lawn crew arrived, so I retreated to the office and did my standard interweb routine, as well as writing a review for Choke.

It was getting into the early afternoon, so I went and picked up Chinese for lunch, speaking to the wife on the drive and learning that she was headed home.

I grabbed my food and headed to the house to eat, visiting briefly with the wife who was online doing some work on a charity project. I hit the den to eat and watched some random television. The wife got an e-mail requesting that she come to sign a check for some horseshit she's volunteered for, and since she had a mid afternoon meeting, she left early to go and deal with that.

I got up from my meal and suddenly realized that I felt just fucking awful, feverish even, all my extremities cold. I even went so far as to step out into the backyard int the sun to try and take the chill off. This wasn't exactly successful, so I came back inside and decided to just bundle up in bed until I could decide if this was something relating to blood sugar (I had just eaten a large portion of rice, starches equaling sugars and whatnot) after waiting too long to eat, or if I had something sinus related bothering me.

Yee HawI watched the new Futurama Blu-ray, Into The Wild Green Yonder, which was fun but also ends on something of a cliffhanger note even though it's meant to be the final film they had planned. I may honestly have to come back to it when i don't feel so shitty, as i feel like I may have dozed somewhere in there but I can't say for sure.

The wife got home and was surpised to find my shivery condition, so I got up and downed a handful of vitamins and Advil to take the edge off things.

The wife had a meeting set to happen here this evening, and while I would normally excuse myself and head to Odessa to visit Macguffin, I just retreated to the bedroom and dove into the Band Of Brothers stuff again, as I only had four episodes left. The Yorkie was my uneasy companion, the commotion from the gathering in the kitchen agitating her to no end.Wow, Just Wow.

Band Of Brothers really hit me hard, the final episode was somewhat anticlimactic, concentrating more on the 'what now?' of the war ending rather than actual combat, but the gentlemen portrayed in the series speaking at the end about their experiences? Holy shit, I was bawling like a fucking baby at that stuff. I can't begin to imagine what these men went through, but man, what an amazing series, I'm really glad I finally checked it out.

The wife and I watched Ghost Hunter International afterward, and then I came to the web to peck this out before I crash and pray for the best on this illness thing. I feel sorta okay right now, but also as though letting the Advil lapse in my system would immediately bring back the shivery feelings.

Be seeing you.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Choke On This

The alarm rang too early for my tastes, but I got up and got the coffee started to keep me alive until at least lunch.

I checked e-mail, then said goodbye to the wife, who was heading out to a meeting and then a funeral for an acquaintance's father in the afternoon. I grabbed a shower and loaded up the recycling to drop off while I was out doing my little shopping I'd planned.

I dropped the recycling stuff, puzzled at the full-to-bursting cardboard bin, not sure why it didn't appear to have been emptied like the others had.

I hit up Best Buy and picked up the new Futurama Blu-ray release, Into The Wild Green Yonder and the Blu-ray release of Akira, an anime flick I've always liked but have never owned in any format, not even VHS, so I'm looking forward to giving that another look in Hi-Def later in the week.

I picked up some lunch, then headed home where I saw the wife briefly as the Mother In Law arrived to pick her up to go to this funeral. The dumbass Yorkie made a run for it out the front door because she heard the MIL honking her horn to announce her arrival, so I had to snatch her out of the yard and toss her back inside before she got out to the street. I'm so damned afraid that her antics like that will get her killed one day, she will just bolt at the most random times.

I ate while looking at some random television, then my buddy EL dropped by because he was in the neighborhood, so we had a chance to catch up a bit before he headed to his next job. Things are a bit tight for him right now, but he's in the process of sending an enormous painting to New York for an art show next month, so I'm hoping that'll open some doors for him.

Let Me Clear My ThroatHe split and I was checking e-mail when the wife got back, so we caught up a bit, then chilled out in the bedroom after I started a load of laundry. We visited a bit and then I popped in Choke, which we had on hand from those rental throttling pricks at Netfux. Based on Chuck Palahniuk's novel of the same name, this was a disturbingly faithful adaptation of the novel as I recall it. The voiceover works well, and the main storyline is every bit as fucked up as the book was, down to missing ben-wah balls, I was pretty surprised that it all made it through the Hollywood system. A great film, I would actually own this but for no apparent reason it was only released on DVD for the time being and I'll be Goddamned if I'm re-buying this damned thing within the same calendar year, which I'm sure will be the case.

The wife crashed on me in spite of seeming to enjoy the flick, which was actually kinda annoying since I've had a few chances to watch this but saved it to watch with her because I thought the nutty content might amuse her. But whatever, fuck me in the plans, right?

I finished the flick and left her and the dog in the bedroom while I moved to the kitchen counter to get some work done. I listened to this week's episode of Night Of The Living Podcast while I worked, then knocked off around 7:00 and decided to pop in another flick I'm trying to cram in for review this week.

All Kindsa MamasI was about 20 minutes into Black Mama, White Mama when the wife got up, so I paused that and we made dinner before finishing the film. I really dug it, as far as the expectations I have for a Sexploitation/Blaxploitation flick go, this had it all. Frequent nudity, callous racism, ridiculous costuming choices, it was a really fun watch.

I wasn't into watching anything that I was planning on taking notes for a review of, so we ended up watching a film called Requiem, a German film that covers the same 'true' story that The Exorcism Of Emily Rose was based upon. The biggest difference is the typically 'Hollywood' approach to Emily Rose, and how much more interesting and engaging that movie was compared to this BORING fucking hour and a half of my life. I was hoping for even the slightest hint of the demons that this broad was supposedly seeing, but the director evidently thought scenes of a girl flopping on the floor, possibly possessed, possibly in the throes of a Grand Mal seizure was more compelling than any sort of 'money shot' involving the unholy.

He's wrong. Fuck this movie.

We called it a night, as the wife has to be up early and I want to be getting some work done myself.

I'm out kids.

Be seeing you.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Come Out And Play

I was up with the alarm this morning, started coffee and hit the web to get that out of the way while the wife showered and got ready for the day.

I got the writing I should've done yesterday finished by noon, then I went and picked up lunch for us while the wife piddled around the house a bit. I got some burgers and headed back to the house, listening to last week's Outside The Cinema while I drove.

The wife and I ate, watched an Aqua Teen Hunger Force re-run that TiVo had suggested, then I settled in and got some work done, listening to more of the OTC show. The wife caught a nap after picking up the kitchen a bit, so when I knocked off from the graphing nonsense I headed to the office instead of the bedroom, as I wanted to let her sleep.

I dicked around with the computer a bit, which seemed a bit sluggish, so I ran the spyware sweep and the defrag stuff to see if that streamlined things a bit, then started into the den to maybe pop in a movie since the wife was still crashed.

Come Out And Play!I decided to watch The Warriors, one of those movies I'd picked up on sale months ago and never got around to checking out. It's a film I know the basic gist of, but couldn't say for sure if I'd ever seen in its entirety, so I decided to remedy that. Great flick, and it was amusing to see Dexter's dad (James Remar) as a young man running wild in the streets.

The wife got up and spent a good deal of the evening on the phone with various charity nonsense, as she and another gal are proofreading a rather long document and trying to streamline the wording, so they were going through that mother with a fine toothed comb. I made myself a little microwave snacky type thing for dinner, watched some random television until the wife joined me, then we checked out the new episode of Heroes.

I headed to the web a bit early, leaving the wife free to work on her project on the laptop from the comfort of the bed.

Be seeing you.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Cinematic Sunday Seventy-Seven

I went to bed early last night, and a few sinus issues aside, slept through the night and most of today. This is presumably to catch me up from the solid week of five hours or less each night that had me feeling pretty jittery by Saturday.

Seriously, It's HOURS Of My Life I'll Never Get BackThe wife and I picked up lunch after I started a pot of coffee (which could still haunt me later this evening when I can't sleep or some shit), then we ate and watched some television.

We eventually chilled in the bedroom and watched another film from Pink Eiga, a nutty little number called A Lonely Cow Weeps At Dawn, which Skinny commented sounds like some kinda old school CIA codeword shit. It was as strange as I expected, though a good amount of the sexual material felt a little shoehorned into this one, but I suppose that's the nature of softcore porn, right?

The wife caught a nap and I hit the web with the intention of getting some writing done, but instead got caught up listening to the latest Shinfo Show, courtesy of the Outside The Cinema guys. It's an infrequent streaming live show that you can join a chatroom to discuss, or actually call in, so that was interesting to interact with some of the podcast people for a few hours.

The wife got up and started dinner, so after a bit I signed off the computer so that she and I could eat dinner. We watched last Friday's episode of Dollhouse instead of the Oscars, as I'd decided that anything I need to know about all that nonsense I can just as easily get from the web almost instantaneously anyway and the wife really didn't care either way.

I headed back to the web to try and finish up a few things I wanted to do today while the wife watched her DVR'd Martha Stewart stuff.

And now here I am, looking around for trailers and the like.

First up we have a teaser for the sequel to The Descent, which will be The Descent 2 and see the return of a survivor girl, forced back into the caves by the authorities who find her story sketchy when she has the blood of one of the missing girls on her clothing. I loved the first film and will reserve judgment on this one, because the trailer looks like more of the same creepiness even if it's not exactly adding anything new except for a bunch of dudes this time around. I also apologize if the audio's a little off in the trailer, though it might just be my computer running slow at this late hour, but I'm not interested enough to reboot everything to find out.



Next we have Funny People, written and directed by Judd Apatow. It stars Adam Sandler in what looks like the first film of his in a good long while that won't make me put my eyes out, alongside Seth Rogen. Sandler's a comedian who takes an up and comer under his wing because he's dying, and makes an effort to rekindle a relationship with an ex, played by Apatow's wife, Leslie Mann.



I'll close with a film called Sleep Dealer. A Spanish language film directed by Alex Rivera, it looks very interesting visually, though this being the only trailer I could find with English subtitles, I really couldn't tell you all that much about the plot per se. I would note that the feeling my gut had at first glance was that it's referencing The Matrix a little bit visually, but hopefully there's more to it than that.



That's it kids, I'm out.

Be seeing you.

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

Band Of Blu-rays

So I was poking around the web last night and looking at this or that, playing some really random music on Blip.FM while I worked on the brief blog post I had planned.

The next thing I know, it's 5:00 AM, which is just stunning, as I wasn't even particularly tired, but forced myself to head to bed anyway. I'm awake again not even an hour later, acid reflux bothering me and not letting me get into a deep sleep. I get up for a few, then try to go back to sleep, only to find myself up again about an hour later. I toss and turn for another 30 minutes or so, then finally gave up and just made a pot of coffee and sat down in the kitchen to get some work done.

I listened to the a couple of episodes of Outside The Cinema while I got a decent chunk of stuff done, finally calling it a day around 11:00 or so when the wife got up for the day. We visited about her plans for the day, which basically involved her being tied up with the charity thing from around 1:00-6:00, then she got dressed and checked her e-mail before heading out for that.

I lay in bed and watched My Zinc Bed, which had been on the DVR for awhile now, and it turned out to be achingly dull. The story of a recovering alcoholic played by Paddy Considine who finds himself attracted to the wife (Uma Thurman doing a silly British accent) of an older man and the antsy interactions the three of them have. Seriously, it was like an hour and change of people looking vaguely edgy and uncomfortable, who gives a fuck? Maybe my groggy state wasn't conducive to watching a straight drama, but this left me almost completely cold.

The wife split for her thing while I finished that movie, and once it was over I decided to run a few bills by the post office. I went and did that, then came home and made myself a little snack of some leftovers before popping in the next disc on the Band Of Brothers set I have to review, something I've been pretty bad about putting off. Worth The Blu Purchase... I blew through two discs of that, officially crossing the halfway point in the show, so I feel better about that.

I also have two movies I want to try and watch tomorrow for review, and polish up the review I have about half-written from Thursday, which shouldn't be too tall of an order for a single afternoon, right?

I'm also debating watching the Oscars, because I'm obviously curious who'll win, but I can also avoid all the bullshit of the show and just catch any real highlights on the web within an hour of the show wrapping, so I may just do that.

The wife got home a tad early from her charity thing, so we called her Grandmother, who'd invited us for dinner and asked if the invite was still good? We met the Mother In Law over there, and The Uncle came in from out of town, so we ate and visited for a bit, then the wife and I, who are both dead tired called it an early night and headed for the house.

We vegged through TiVo'd episodes of The Soup and Color Splash, then I headed to the web early to get this done while she headed to bed.

I'm out kids.

Be seeing you.

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Friday, February 20, 2009

Why Am I Up So Late/Early?

Since I'm convinced that strangers care about my sleep patterns: I ended up being awake later than I intended last night, and rather than resign myself to what would've been about 5 hours sleep, I ignored the alarm and slept until almost 1:00 in the afternoon.

I got up and moving, deciding to pass on the coffee in an effort to not be up all night tonight and just headed to the web to check e-mail. I was still doing that when the wife got home from her errands and inquired about lunch.

We had a late lunch and caught up on her day, as there's a fundraiser thing this weekend and she's been trying to get all of her other charity stuff squared away so that she can concentrate on the other properly. We hit Starbuck's for a coffee afterward, then picked up some dry cleaning and headed home so that she could get a few calls made.

I looked around at some television and set up the TiVo to grab a few movies while the wife did her phone bit and dressed for the evening, an event which I was thankfully absolved from attending.

The wife split for her thing and I got a bit of work done for today, since it was only 6:00 PM, right? I listened to the latest Dead Lantern Splattercast while I worked, then knocked off around 7:00 or so and headed to the web to pay a few bills, check e-mail and that sort of crap.

GroovyI spoke to Buckaroo Banzai for a bit, catching up with him, then popped in a flick from those rental throttling pricks at Netfux. Actually, Netfux has been fairly decent to me lately, as they've added a new shipping center only 2 hours from here, so the turnaround time has improved (dare I say it?) dramatically over the past few weeks. That said, they have plenty of time to start dropping the ball once I hit the invisible '10 rentals a month' ceiling of their alleged unlimited rentals plan, but for now I'm actually somewhat impressed.

I watched My Name Is Bruce in the bedroom on the old PS3; it was a fun little flick and Bruce Campbell seems to have a pretty decent sense of humor about himself. The wife got home during the last 20 minutes or so of the flick, so we chilled and watched it, then caught up on her evening before I headed to the web to do this stuff for the night.

Be seeing you.

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Don't Be Religulous, Monkey Man

I slept hard last night once I finally went to bed, then got up with the alarm this morning in desperate need of coffee. These five hour nights are taking a toll.

I started writing a review while consuming copious amounts of coffee and checking e-mail.

I heard from Macguffin, who mentioned that he hadn't been feeling all that well, and since I had Bill Maher's flick Religulous on hand from those rental throttling pricks at Netfux, I decided to give him a shout and see if he was up for a viewing. He agreed, so I dressed and ate a quick lunch of sushi that we'd picked up yesterday; the summer roll was simply amazing, I've found my new favorite obsession and it comes out of a grocery store deli. I split for Odessa with the movie in hand, leaving the wife to finish up some stuff she was piddling around the house with before heading to a hair appointment.

You Stupid Fucking Believer Assholes! What A Buncha Rubes!Mac and I watched the flick, which was enjoyable, but I have only so much patience with Maher, he does get a little smarmy after awhile. The most interesting thing was obviously watching people's reactions to his open mocking of their religions and waiting for one of them to just go apeshit and beat him to death, cameras be damned. Larry Charles (director of the at times equally uncomfortable and off-putting Borat film) seems to thrive on this type of material, so it was a fun watch, but nothing I see myself re-watching numerous times. I blame the Christian background or possibly the disinterest I could develop in watching someone tell people how full of shit they are for an hour and forty-five. They do trot out any number of nutjobs though; it's stunning to think that people of 'faith' are so starved for ANY kind of answer they'll fall in line behind any asshole with a line to feed them.

I got to see Blancodeviosa when she got home from work, but I split shortly after 5:00, because the wife had asked if I'd be home in time for dinner, so I figured I should try to be on time. I drove home listening to last week's Cinema Diabolica, expecting to have leftovers with the wife and watch some television.

I was surprised to find her in the kitchen working on a chicken breast with artichoke and capers dish, along with a Sprinkles cupcake mix for dessert. The chicken boobs were awesome, served over angel hair pasta with no real sauce to speak of, but man it was a great meal. We ate and watched some television, then I started a TiVo flick kinda late just because I wanted to start trying to clear some of the TiVo stuff again, as it's begun to pile up.
Maybe I Fon't Want A Monkey To Hang Out With Me After All...
Monkey Shines
is a lesser George Romero film, about a quadriplegic and his murderous helper monkey, driven mad by her love for her master and the drugs his dumbass friend has injected her with. It's also quite possibly the first 'R' rated film I ever saw in theaters and sports a sex scene in which a woman rides the quadriplegic's face like the Kentucky Derby, which was a weird fucking thing to see at age 13 or so when sitting next to one's mother in the theater, this much I can assure you. My mom was game for a horror film, as she'd always liked scary movies when she was growing up, but I think this was a far cry from seeing a Frankenstein sequel at the old theater that used to be downtown, y'know?

We called it a night afterward and I headed to the web to fuck around with this nonsense and the wife hit the hay, as she has an early meeting tomorrow.

Be seeing you.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Put A Cork In It

In what I've come to believe is an effort to just keep me guessing, the maid arrived today with her entourage of her child and pregnant helper niece in tow, which is always disconcerting, as this girl is extraordinarily pregnant. And yes, a helper niece is similar to a helper monkey, except you get stranger looks for wandering around with a pregnant monkey, because society is full of judgmental assholes.

I got coffee started and the wife split for her slew of meetings, so the maid and her crew set to it on the other side of the house. I did some writing, including a new review that's already up for your viewing displeasure over at the Big Suck Loser, so make with the clicky and check that shit out.

I basically waited the maids out in the office, finishing up the review and poking around the web until they were done with their stuff and headed out the door, then I moved to the kitchen counter and got a nice little chunk of work done on the first project.

The wife came home around 2:30 and I suggested that we head out to get the grocery shopping done because we seriously had nothing in the main fridge, it looked like a college kid lives here or something. We went through the list and supplemented that with a lot of odds and ends, as I think we'd both skipped lunch; it was like shopping with a stoner buddy and grabbing all the snacky shit we laid eyes on. Actually it might've been something of a mistake and I'll be wondering where some of this shit came from when I come to my senses later, but we at least got the list covered before we started grabbing all the weird shit.

We headed home and I started an early dinner, beef burritos and a loaded queso dip with a sprinkling of meat, tomatoes and chiles to zest it up. We ate around 5:00 and watched this week's episode of Desperate Housewives and The Girls Next Door while we chilled.

Not Bad For A Bunch Of HicksI changed into my lounge pants, because fuck leaving the house again, then popped in Bottle Shock, something I have to review for Pop Syndicate. The story of a contest held in France in 1976, during which a selection of California wines were pitted against French ones and actually won, it gives interesting back stories to the various wineries in the Napa valley and has many humorous moments. Plus it's pretty informative for a novice like myself, as I've never been much of a wine drinker, but would like to learn at some point just to feel like I'm growing up or something. For example, did you know that bottle shock refers to what happens when a wine travels, and isn't just a 2 Girls One Cup style website? Color me fucking surprised.

We sat through another quasi-pointless episode of Ghost Hunters International, then called it a night.

Be seeing you.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Get On The Train

I slept a little past the alarm this morning, then checked e-mail and started pouring coffee down my gullet while the wife showered and got ready for her day. I hopped in the shower myself and got ready to go and run my little errands for the day, which included hitting the post office and picking up some magenta ink for our whiny bitch of a printer as well as the Blu-ray edition of The Midnight Meat Train that came out today.

I hit the local books, music and video outlet after the post office, convinced that today was the day that I'd finally be able to kill that giftcard I've been chipping away at, thus never having to darken their door again unless I was just that bored. This payed off, as I found the movie I wanted, as well as this month's issue of Juxtapoz. I even grabbed a soda just in case that wasn't sufficient to do away with the card, payed the difference and got the hell out of there.

I hit Best Buy for the ink cartridge, then called the wife about lunch. I called in the order and picked up Thai food to bring home. I watched Werewolf Of London while I ate, which was just one of those random werewolf films that I'd never seen and happened to notice on cable last week. I was rather amused to notice the werewolf don a hat and cape when going out in public, he was keen to hide his identity and it made me laugh.

Mind The Gap!The wife had errands to run in the late afternoon, so I retired to the bedroom to watch The Midnight Meat Train. I was pretty impressed, especially since I'd heard mixed reviews and then the whole fiasco with the studio dumping it into dollar theaters to fulfill a contractual agreement before putting it out on home video (basically a giant 'fuck you' to the director if you ask me), all that had me a bit worried, but I was willing to gamble on it. The flick followed the short story pretty well, at least based on my recollection of reading it in my mid-teens, forgive me if you've read recently and can pick the film apart. The only bitch I honestly have is that virtually all the blood spilled during the kill scenes (of which there are many) is produced using CGI, and doesn't look all that much like blood. Hell, there are a few bits that even looked like spilling Kool-Aid rather than someone's head being smashed in; it takes you out of the film. I'd definitely recommend it, and I have a review forthcoming for later in the week.

I made myself a Hot Pocket for dinner because I was a little peckish and found out that our lazy fuckface mailman had finally drug his ass by and left the mail shortly before dusk. And Yes, He's Milking Her, You Judgmental Puritans... I was happy to see that the standard pile of bills and junk mail also contained the package that I was expecting from Pink Eiga. This was their two latest releases, Sexy Battle Girls and A Lonely Cow Weeps At Dawn, which the wife is actually rather keen to see after I showed her the trailer for it, so that's cool to have when we get a free moment.

I finally watched a movie I'd had in hand for much longer than I'd prefer from those rental throttling pricks at Netfux. The Shopaholics is the story of a child abandoned in a shopping mall, who grows up to be a shopaholic, seeking help from a doctor with problems of his own, who begins to fall for her. This whole situation gets more complicated when she meets a guy who's a fellow shopaholic and he takes a shine to her as well. All of this is played very light, the comedy very slapstick, almost vaudevillian at times. I'd say it's worth a rental if you don't mind some fluff in your life.

The wife got home shortly after the film ended, we visited for a bit and caught up on our days, then she headed to the bedroom to watch Martha Stewart while I hit the web to jack around with this nonsense.

Be seeing you.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

CGI And Giant Lizards

I got up shortly after the alarm this morning, kissed the wife good morning in the office where she was working on some charity stuff and staggered to the kitchen to start coffee. I got the house opened up for the day and started cleaning up the kitchen counter area so that I'd have a spot to work in. I always like to give it a once over before laying any of the work stuff down, because who knows what might've left some kind of residue on there with all the drinks and food that's come and gone over the past week or so.

I got caught up in the cleaning moment and ended up doing the dishes in the sink, taking time to listen to the three latest episodes of My Movie Year, the spin off podcast that Miles from ShowShow has been doing to cover the films he's been watching on a daily basis since January 1st.

The wife split for a meeting and I checked e-mail and wrote up a review while dicking with Twitter for a bit, then grabbed a fresh cup of coffee and settled into work.

I listened to this week's episode of Night Of The Living Podcast while I worked on the prep work for the first project and was taking a break from that to make myself something to eat for lunch when the wife came home in a fairly shitty mood. I narrowly avoided an argument by just not taking the bait, mostly because I was relatively sure she wasn't pissed at me specifically.

We talked things out a bit, the In-Laws were stressing her out with random selfish crap as always, so I listened, she apologized for snapping at me and I tried to get her calmed down a bit so that she could get some work done. I headed back to the kitchen and did the prep work on the second project while listening to last week's episode of Outside The Cinema before calling it a day.

I AM BEOWULF! Seriously, He Yells It All The Fuckin' Time, It's Retarded.The wife had to be at a quick evening meeting, so I popped in the Blu-ray version of Beowulf, because I wanted to send it back to those rental throttling pricks at Netfux tomorrow, and because I was pretty sure the wife couldn't care less if she saw it. I'm happy to have seen it, the visuals are pretty amazing, but seriously, why the fuck do they have the character strip nude to fight Grendel, then spend the entire fight scene hiding his dick behind everything in the room? I mean, swords, smoke, the shadows cast by this or that, honestly, why bother? It was pretty silly, and him yelling something involving his name every third line got a little old, but still, the film was an okay watch. That said, I'm glad this wasn't a blind buy or anything, I'd be having some serious buyer's remorse right about now.

The wife came home midway through the flick with some Mexican food for dinner, so we chilled and ate while the movie finished and the Yorkie begged for a bite of burrito. I finished the last hour or so of Godzilla 2000, something I'd DVR'd the other night and watched part of before sleep got the better of me. It was a guy in a rubber suit destroying models, what;s not to like?

We watched the new Heroes and then I headed to the web while the wife watched one of her DVR'd craft shows and relaxed for the evening.

Be seeing you.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

Cinematic Sunday Seventy-Six

I slept in today while the wife got up and worked on her little transcribing project for a few hours, edging closer and closer to finally being done with it.

I checked e-mail then got dressed and gathered up all the recycle stuff to run to the bins while I picked up some lunch. We called in an order for Chinese at a place across town, so I took my time on the way to the recycle place, as I wanted them to have time to get the food together rather than waiting around.

First Piranha, Now Wolves? Fuck This Lake.I had set the DVR to record a random werewolf-related television show that I'd somehow missed when it originally aired, so I left the wife to her writing at the kitchen counter and retired to the bedroom to watch what turned out to be the entire series of Wolf Lake. I think I missed this when it originally aired back in 2001 or so because I didn't have cable at the time. It was an alright setup for a series, but I can also see why CBS shitcanned it after only airing 5 episodes or so, as it felt a lot more like a lackluster soap opera at times than a supernatural drama. Plus it's one of those shows that prefers to give us the werewolves as full-on wolves rather than a humanoid wolf, which always annoy me but I'm sure is way less of a pain in the ass for the make-up people each week.

So I basically watched that show all afternoon and into the evening, wasting my entire day watching this so-so and now defunct television show.

The wife and I watched the usual Fox Animated fare in the evening, then I headed to the web to knock this mother out.

Thankfully, I had a grocery list of trailers to look for that have turned up over the past week or so, meaning I don't have to spend hours digging around for something interesting at this late date.

First up, since there may be one person out there who hasn't seen it yet, Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds has a teaser that makes me want to see it, if only to see if the Goddamned spelling errors in the marquee title are explained at some point. Starring relative unknown Brad Pitt, horror frat-boy Eli Roth and B.J. Novak's spectacularly triangle-shaped head (seriously, pause the video, it's amazing), it hits theaters in August of this year.



Next we have a trailer for Tony Scott's remake of The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3, which stars John Travolta as the hijacker of a subway train, sporting that odd leather bar look he also has in the From Paris With Love teaser that I mentioned awhile back. He matches wits with Denzel Washington as a dispatcher unfortunate enough to get his call when he takes the train. I have no particular feelings about this re-make, having never watched the original, but Tony Scott has been good to me in the past, so I'm crossing my fingers and waiting 'til June to see what's up.



Finally, we have the trailer for I Love You Beth Cooper. It's directed by Chris Columbus, based on the hilarious novel of the same name by Larry Doyle and stars Hayden Panettiere as the hottie in question. While some of the slapstick elements definitely play less over the top when reading about them in a book, it looks very faithful to the novel, so I'm really looking forward to this.



That's all folks.

Be seeing you.

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

A Day Late And A Jason Short

I was up until 6:00 AM this morning, bullshitting online with Andy from Destroy The Brain, along with Miles from ShowShow as Andy attempted to watch all of the Friday The 13th films in a live marathon. About half the hosts of the various podcasts I listen to also popped in at one time or another, it was an a fun time, if a little draining by the end as the sun was creeping up.

I slept for about 4 hours, somewhat poorly, finally getting up at 10:00 and telling the wife Happy Valentine's Day. I checked my e-mail, then the wife and I exchanged gifts, she was very happy with her ring and she got me a Best Buy giftcard, which works out well as that will always come in handy.

The wife and I dressed and went for an early lunch, had a nice meal in spite of a family and their screaming child across the room, then headed back home to chill out. The wife fielded a few calls and then we retired to the bedroom to check out Dollhouse, which premiered last night on Fox. Oh Faith, How Far You've Come... It stars Eliza Dushku as an agent who has her memory wiped after each mission, but has begun to have memories resurface at inopportune times. It was alright, I'll stick it out for a bit, see if it grows on me, hell, I'd probably watch Dushku read aloud from the phone book for an hour each week.

We both napped for a bit, though I slept harder after my lack of sleep last night, so the wife woke me at 7:00 this evening to make sure I wasn't going to sleep too late and ruin my slumber tonight.

I moved into the den and we watched some random television stuff off the TiVo while the wife baked a lasagna (Stouffer's, nothing exciting) for dinner. We ate that while watching the a documentary that I was surprised to see on cable last night. His Name Was Jason: 30 Years Of Friday The 13th was only released on DVD a few weeks back, so I was surprised to see it on one of the Encore channels, but I TiVo'd it anyway. The overall approach was entertaining, they speak to a good number of the cast and crew, with the last 30 minutes or so being dedicated to the new film that hit theaters this week.

And now here I am, catching up on this junk.

Be seeing you.

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Friday, February 13, 2009

Chatting and Grinning

So I'm typing this while listening and chatting live with Andy and others over at Destroy The Brain's marathon Ustream video feed of the Friday The 13th films as he attempts to watch all of the series in one sitting, back to back.

I slept a bit late, then got up and spent the morning and early afternoon writing up a couple of reviews for the site, which are posted and ready for your viewing pleasure, so make with the clicking if you have the notion.

I headed out to run errands and hopefully hear from the jeweler's about the gift they were alleged to be getting in this afternoon. I dropped a Netfux movie off at the post office and was actually in front of the jeweler's, waiting on a red light to change when I got the call, so I cut across a few lanes of traffic and turned in to pick that up.

I left there and picked up lunch, then stopped in at the grocery store for some flowers and headed back home. I surprised her with the flowers and a book that'd arrived in the mail today, then we ate and watched some television.

The wife eventually moved to the kitchen counter to work on some of her charity stuff that she's still transcribing, and I started Mirrors. It was pretty decent, though it definitely devolves towards the end a bit and ends up at a remote farmhouse like most stuff based on Asian horrortends to, with an old man relating details about the evil like in The Ring.

The wife split to pick up the Yorkie at the groomers and grab a couple of pizzas from the take out joint that we'd fix for dinner. I finished the film and capped off my notes for the review, then the wife got home and I picked up the house a bit for our guests this evening.

Brian and our friend JH were set to come by for a visit and to eat pizza with us, so we chilled until they arrived, then popped the food in the oven while we visited.

And Other Racial SlursWe watched Towelhead while we ate, a film written and directed by Alan Ball that continued in the vein of his American Beauty script,basically saying that older men always want to fuck underage girls, in this case, one of Lebanese descent. It's an interesting film, always engaging, but the ending sorta threw me for a loop, as it's very much a case of the credits suddenly rolling and me wondering why.

Our guests left shortly afterward, and I headed to the web to write this up and got fished in to the online chat.

Be seeing you.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Hate It When A Plan Doesn't Come Together...

Well, I got some of the things I wanted to do today accomplished, but overall I still feel a bit behind all the way around.

My poor wife is still in the middle of the thing she'd volunteered for this week and had to be at a meeting at 8:00 in the fucking morning, because everyone else involved are farmers or something and rise at the ass-crack of dawn. I got up at 9:45, having ignored the alarm and instead lay in bed petting the Yorkie, who was being loving for once in her hateful life.

I started coffee and after checking e-mail started writing on a review I've been putting off. I had to stop mid-stream there and shower, as I had a haircut scheduled at noon. I also shaved and cleaned up the beard, which had been getting out of hand after I've ignored it for over a week. I was planning on possibly being in a jewelry store shopping around for something for the wife and figured I should shed the Howard Hughes beard so as to not draw undue attention to myself.

I got my hair cut, visited with the Hairdressers a bit, then put in a call about the gift I was looking for at the jewelers. My gal I've been talking to was out to lunch, so I decided to run a few errands to kill time until I could get a call back from her. I hit a thrift store and poked around at their books, but found nothing, then walked through Big Lots, Barnes & Noble and Circuit City, which is going out of business and was basically empty, much to my surprise.

I mean, c'mon people, 30% off is basically what Amazon sells shit for every day, why would I fight a crowd at this failed business for that kind of meager savings?

I got the call, which was my girl letting me know that the item should be in either late today or tomorrow, which is cutting it annoyingly close, but seems to work out okay for the Saturday holiday. I decided to go the candy route for today's gift, so I picked that up and headed home to see the wife.

I gave her the candy and we actually chilled in bed and caught a brief nap, then I got up and left her snoozing while I finished my review.

There's Gonna Be Some Hell Up In HarlemThe wife got up and continued transcribing some packet of information for one of her groups, so I moved to the den and watched Black Caesar, starring Fred Williamson. It was a good film, directed by Larry Cohen and featuring Williamson as an ambitious youth who rises to power as an adult in the criminal underworld due to a set of ledgers he steals that incriminates most of the political figures in the city and act as leverage to strongarm his way in with the Italian crime Syndicate. Good stuff, there's a review forthcoming.

I started to watch Mirrors, but balked at the near 2 hour running time and instead settled for the usual Thursday night programming like 30 Rock and The Office.

The wife headed to bed with the laptop to work on her project some more and I hit the office to do this crap for the evening.

Be seeing you.

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