Zombies, Werewolves, Strippers, Katies

Fare Thee Well, Spider.

Last night I sat up later than intended but I did finally finish out the re-read I've been doing of Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson's Transmetropolitan, blowing through the final volume in one sitting.  The series ends well, which a lot has to be said about, as it's great to tell a successful story, but if you muff the ending the readers can turn on you in a heartbeat, and a lot of writers just don't know how to end things, which is an issue that Stephen King has been criticized with in the past. Ellis absolutely killed it in the final chapters, bringing the fever pitch of Spider Jerusalem's crusade against the president to a great climax, leaving us with a denouement that satisfies as much as any end could, seeing the characters we've grown to love finally wrapping their story for good.

I woke with the alarm this morning at 9:30, then cuddled with the wife and Yorkie for a few before getting the house opened up for the day and firing up the PC to work on the blog for a bit.  I had a dentist appointment this morning, so I wanted to get some stuff published before I had to split for that, plus I had another Amazon sale to get ready to mail out, so the next thing I know it's about a quarter til my appointment and I'm still sitting in the Office in my freaking pajamas.  I dressed quickly, gulped down the last of the coffee the wife had made for me, brushed my teeth (as if that last moment might somehow un-do six months of half-assed commitment to dental health) and kissed the wife goodbye as I dashed out the door.

The dentist's visit was fairly painless (though they are always just a tad more aggro than I prefer with the scraping), but I walked away with no bad news about follow-up visits until well into next year, so that's a relief, especially with the world ending in December anyway, right?  As I was leaving the dentist's office I noticed a text from my buddy The Minister, who I had made tentative plans with regarding lunch at some point this week, and the next thing I know I'm on my way to meet him at a crowded barbecue joint somewhat near the house.  We caught up on the past Summer, as it's been a fairly long time since we'd seen one another, which ate up a good hour and a half but was time well spent.  We said our goodbyes and made noise about possibly doing brunch with the wives at some point in the future, then I headed back home to see what the wife was up to.  A wild hair along the way took me into the local books, music and video outlet, where I found the final volume in the Swamp Thing set that I was interested in for only $4, which made the trip well worth my time.

When I finally got home I found the wife and Yorkie chilling in the bedroom, so I related my outing to the wife and caught up on her plans for the afternoon and then settled in the Office, where I piddled with both the blog as well as the stupid nerdlists for a bit before finally selecting a movie from the To-Watch Pile to check out in the den.

Features One Dollar's Worth
Of Entertainment Value.
Exactly ONE.

Zombie 4: After Death is a film that I bought for $1 on clearance at a Pawn Shop, and I sat down with it fully expecting to get at least a dollar's worth of entertainment value out of it, and hoo-boy, was I not disappointed.  A group of mercenaries end up on an island whose jungles produce nothing but fog from a fog machine regardless of the time of day and terribly made up zombies who have been brought to life via a voodoo curse at the beginning of the film.  This one is brought to us by Claudio Fragasso, the man who gave us such corny fare as the Alice Cooper vehicle Monster Dog and the film immortalized in Best Worst Movie, the ridiculously silly Troll 2, so you have to kind of know what you're in for from the word go with this Italian cheese fest.  The movie also starred Jeff Stryker (credited as Chuck Peyton), a man whose name may sound familiar to you because he was a full-on gay porn star in the '80s and '90s, another fact that may give you a clue as to the quality of the material you'll be getting with this film.  It's amusing as background noise, but I was thankful to have the Simpsons: Tapped Out game to kill time with on the iPad as well, that's for sure.

Insert Pun About Bitches, Amirite?
Har-de-har-har.

The wife made a lasagna for our dinner and we eventually dug into that with a viewing of the recently purchased British film Strippers Vs. Werewolves, a flick whose title alone should be enough to pique the casual interest of most horror fans, just because it sounds amusing.  While we frustratingly never get a full on werewolf (instead we see folks with shaggy facial hair and slight facial changes accompanied by dog-like ears), you do get some slick comic-book-esque editing and intros for the major characters, and the whole thing is a quick breezy affair that doesn't overstay its welcome, so I enjoyed it well enough.  It seems like the kind of thing that has enough fun elements in it to allow for revisits from time to time without becoming annoying.

Bore Katie Malone, More Like It.
Yawn.

In the late evening I started a third and final movie off the TiVo called Kill Katie Malone, in which a trio of college pals buy a ghost off the interwebs, then find themselves at the mercy of the spirit of an Irish servant girl who at first targets their various enemies, but then starts to turn on them as things progress.  The film was barely interesting, as the ghost makes her presence known via moving items for most of the attacks, which isn't all that interesting or cinematic to watch a character be thrown around by an unseen force, unless it's hellaciously well done, ala the Paranormal Activity series of films, so this one never really grabbed me all that much to be perfectly honest.  I made it through to the end, which features a puzzling cameo from Dean Cain, who the TiVo had listed like he was the star of the film, confusing me even further, but I suppose you focus on your bigger names to sell a feature.  At any rate, you've likely seen better ghost stories, so I really wouldn't suggest checking this one out unless you have an extraordinary amount of free time or are a fan of the talent involved.

I finally called it a night and headed to the Office to get started on this post, then promptly fell down a rabbit hole of Facebook jackassery for the better part of an hour, putting me up much later than I want to be in the face of the Maid's presence tomorrow morning.

Bah.

Be seeing you.